15 Reasons Your Mom Would Totally Be Arrested Today
Why was I allowed to play tag on our street at 10pm on a school night when I was 12? Is it okay that I was cooking Chef Boyardee on the stove before I knew how to divide? Seems fairly unsafe now, but at the time… it was totally cool.
- She left you in the backseat for a couple of hours while you slept (in her defense the window was cracked).
- Allergies schmallergies... peanut butter for everyone.
- Second hand smoke wasn’t a thing yet.
- Seat belts were more of a suggestion.
- You were totally allowed to walk to the playground alone. 5 miles away.
- There was no age requirement for the front seat (SHOTGUN!).
- Did you even own a bike helmet?
- Your mom put your 12 year old sister in charge all summer.
- You waited in the car while she was in the store; if you were lucky she’d leave the radio on.
- 3 kids under 4 in a bathtub unsupervised.
- Soda with every meal.
- Sunblock was a longshot.
- Apple juice was a health food.
- You had a blast riding in the back of your uncles pickup truck.
- Best preschool? The closest one.
So even if you're having a horrible day, mom, just remember that no matter how bad you think you're f**king up, your kids will be fine. I mean, we turned out okay (for the most part)!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Why not treat yourself to some fabulous mommy must-haves?
Our Calm The F**k Down blend is great for days when your kids decide to test your mental stability.
Wake The F**k Up! This blend is perfect for juggling soccer practices and math homework.
Need to remind them who's boss? There's no question with this HBIC mug!
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