By Carrie Pinkard
Looking for the perfect white elephant gift this year? Tired of people stifling a yawn when they open your well-meaning knit sweater for the fifth year in a row? Want to get something for a friend who is Snarky AF? This is the gift guide for you.
We’ve compiled a list of amazing, women-owned businesses for you to shop at this year; because research shows that shopping small and supporting other women keeps your skin glowy forever. Read on for everything from jewelry to skincare to card games to POTATOES.
1) Buffalovely for Snarky Home Goods
May your home always be blessed with snarkiness. Buffalovely has hilarious home decor for self-aware snarky women. This is the shop for people who hate the overly sappy picture frames and “live, laugh, love” wall signs. We are 100% certain your white elephant gift this year should be their “wash your fucking mouth out” toothbrush holder.
2) Rebel Deck for Snarky Tarot Cards!
“Don’t let your issues fuck it up” and “You are not the center of the fucking universe” are two pieces of advice we all need sometimes. Get a whole tarot deck of funny reality checks like this on Rebel Deck’s website. It’s all the fun of regular tarot cards but with more snark. With these cards I see some laughter in your future.
3) Metal Marvels for Snarky Jewelry and Ornaments!
Ooh a company that loves swear words as much as we do? Sign us the fuck up! Metal Marvels has an amazing selection of jewelry, t-shirts, and ornaments that would be incredible for a white elephant gift. They also donate 10% of every sale to charity so you can feel like a philanthropic bitch WHILE you shop.
4) NoMoStache for All Your Shaving Needs!
We love supporting our fellow Shark Tank companies. NoMoStache has everything you need for quick hair removal on the go, all in adorable pastel pink packaging. They sell portable waxing kits for your eyebrows and bikini area. Who says a white elephant gift can’t be useful AF? Hair today, gone tomorrow!
5) Bold Made for Feminist Cardgame Fun!
A card game that’s totally feminist and built around powerful women from history? Hell yes!!! This game is a new take on the lowkey sexist Old Maid card game. It’s the perfect gift for strong women in your life, or young girls who are obsessed with card games. End your quarantine boredom and have great conversations about kick ass women. I’ll take five!
6) Mod Bath and Body for Soap that is Dope!
Give the gift of no-nonsense self care this season. Mod Bath and Body sells products like “exhale the bullshit body scrub” that proves that self-care doesn’t always need to be dainty and precious. Self-care is about doing what works for your damn self. And Mod Bath and Body’s delicious scents and scrubs really do it for us.
7) Frankie & Myrrh for Aromatherapy With Attitude!
It’s no secret that we love brands who take something typically mellow and tranquil and turn it funny and outrageous. That’s what we did with our teas, and that’s what Frankie & Myrrh does with their essential oils. They have scents like “Spray the Bitch Away” and “Hottie By Nature” that we LOVE. You can use these to freshen your room, your car, or YOURSELF. Give your friends’ noses the gift of good tidings and good smells this year.
8) Potato Parcel for Your Best Spuds!
(Disclaimer: not women-owned, but still very cool)
Postcards are OUT, personalized potatoes are IN. Potato Parcel will send anything you want to your friends printed on a potato. Does your friend love macabre poetry? Send them an Edgar Allen Poe-tato. Do they love Star Wars? Try a Darth Tater. You can seriously print whatever you want on these bad boys and deliver one as a white elephant gift to remember.
Well there you have it, Snarky Santa’s ultimate White Elephant gift roundup. Of course, we would be remiss if we didn’t remind you that our teas have a 100% satisfaction rating in gift-giving circles. Check out our holiday gift guide to cross every brand of tea drinker off your list.