By Carrie Pinkard
The Queen’s Gambit has everything we love in a tv show, from a strong female protagonist, to grown up child actors who you have to squint just right to recognize. (Seriously, did you guys see that Dudley glow up?!).
Beth Harmon is a superstar who made it to World Chess Champion all on her own. But we can’t help wondering how much quicker she could have gotten there if she had the right Snarky Teas. Here are five times Beth could have used our functional teas to power through both life and chess.
1) Get Your A** In Bed For Those Late Nights Spent Staring At The Ceiling
Beth Harmon’s early days at the orphanage are some of the most compelling scenes in the show. We get to watch her obsession with chess bloom thanks to the janitor, Mr. Shaibel.
Beth plays chess with Mr. Shaibel on most days then spends every night in an insomniac trance, staring at imagined chess pieces on the ceiling. Girl, we get it, you’re perfecting your game, but you need to get some sleep as well!
Our Get Your A** In Bed tea with chamomile, lemongrass, and lavender would have helped Beth’s obsessive brain relax so she could get some much needed shut eye.
2) Calm the F**k Down When She Loses To Benny In Vegas
After leaving the orphanage, Beth scores a series of victories at chess tournaments around the country. Then she meets Benny Watts and she lets him get to her head.
Before the duo face off in Vegas, Benny points out a weakness in Beth’s game to her. This throws her off and she enters their game agitated. She’s flustered the whole time and you can see the frustration growing on her face. She ultimately attacks too quickly and loses the game.
If Beth had drank a cup of our soothing Calm the F**k Down tea after Benny pointed out her weakness, she could have entered the game with a more level head.
3) Get Your Sh*t Together When She Holes Up In Her House For Weeks
After losing to Borgov in Paris and pushing her friends out of her life, Beth locks herself in her house for weeks.
She relapses again into her alcohol and drug addiction. She shows up to her old high school for an appearance completely disheveled and hungover, and she stops going to chess tournaments. Queue our Get Your Sh*t Together tea. Get Your Sh*t Together is a green tea with lemongrass and ginger designed to help you overcome even your strongest hangover.
This blend could have helped Beth rally a little sooner and continue her chess prowess.
4) Wake the F**k Up When She Realizes People Are Rooting For Her
A big wake up call occurs for Beth when her old friend from the orphanage, Jolene, rings her doorbell. Jolene tells Beth that Mr. Shaibel has died, and the two return to the orphanage together.
While walking around the basement, Beth finds a bulletin board full of newspaper clippings about her accomplishments. She realizes that Mr. Shaibel has been rooting for her from afar all this time. That, combined with the financial support from Jolene, push Beth to commit to the world chess championship in Moscow.
There’s nothing like reconnecting with old friends to remind you who you are and how far you’ve come. But if you can’t rekindle an old connection, a glass of Wake the F**k Up tea is the next best thing. This high caffeine black tea with Yerba Mate and cinnamon gives you just the kick you need to start your day and believe in your damn self again.
5) Fierce B*tch When She Plays Chess In The Park As World Champion
Few scenes in television are as satisfying as the end of The Queen’s Gambit. Beth finally beats Borgov and wins the Moscow championship. She is riding to the airport to fly back to America when she decides to get out of the car and walk through the park.
She passes people playing chess and they immediately recognize her. The chess players all walk up and surround her to shake her hand. This young American woman is being revered and respected by these Russian men. They invite her to play with them, as she has more than earned her spot at the table. After accomplishing all of her goals, she is now able to play chess just for the thrill of the game.
While this whole moment is sweet, we can’t help but think it would have been even sweeter if Beth had drunk a cup of Fierce B*tch beforehand. Fierce B*tch is a black rose tea designed to make every woman feel beautiful and powerful, inside and out.
Ready to be badass like Beth Harmon? Whatever your hobby or passion, perform at your best by fueling your life with some Snarky Tea. Try our sassy sampler here to taste them all.